Scene Setting: Today is chemo #5 of 6. I am heavy hearted and angry about the deaths in Orlando.To rant for a second, how in the world can we continue to justify a law that makes it so easy for people to purchase weapons ? The excuse that makes me the most angry is, “if everyone has a gun then there would be no violence” even though there is tons of evidence to the contrary. 310 million guns in the U.S. and no one was equipped or ready to pulled a gun on the shooter. And the solution is that we need more guns?
Unbelievable and awful.
I am in the St. Charles infusion room. Chemo treatment #5 is in full swing, pre-meds are done and Rituxan is going in at 100mg/hr on the way up to 400 mg/hr if I don’t start shaking or break out in a rash (I won’t, incidentally). Today appears to be “back to the 70’s and 80’s day” in terms of the music mix they are playing. Elton John – Candle in the Wind, King Harvest – Dancin’ in the Moonlight, Procol Harum – White Shade of Pale, etc. Moe is here with me, we’re both working on our computers but we’re breathing the same air and that’ll do for me.
It’s as if I picked the mix. Every third song is James Taylor. Yes, that’s right, James is my go – to artist. Laugh if you like, but what’s so is so. James is the singer/musician who’s music I can listen to any time and any place and feel good about it.
On comes “The Secret of Life” and I start crying. Moe asks me what the words are stirring up in me and I can’t talk about it. I think she feels rejected because I have said that several times recently. I can feel the end of my treatment approaching, and it feels great, but I don’t feel emotionally prepared or equipped to handle what comes next, which is a return to “normal” life, as if there is such a thing. I am full-up with emotions I can’t describe, but as so often it happens, James’ words hit the center of my heart:
The secret of love is in opening up your heart
It’s okay to feel afraid
But don’t let that stand in your way
’cause anyone knows that love is the only road
And since we’re only here for a while
Might as well show some style
Give us a smile
Isn’t it a lovely ride
Try not to try too hard
It’s just a lovely ride
Listen for yourself: James Taylor – Secret O’ Life Lyrics | MetroLyrics
Heavy hearted for the victims and their families and loved ones in Orlando. If love is the only road, than when does it get to win a big one?